Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
