Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
