I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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