She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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