her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
