ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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