The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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