the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
