Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
