So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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