Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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