dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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