so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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