hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
