My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
