You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I want to make a zoo with you.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This baby is an asshole
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
