please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
