My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
