Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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