how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
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peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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