She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
