Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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