i would punch a child for taco bell
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
