U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
