Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
