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have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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