Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
