Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
