I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
