It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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