I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
