Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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