you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
