you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
