i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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