alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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