Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
