His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
