I wanna bring you to show and tell
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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