So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
