take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that