Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet