Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I want to be your penis for a week.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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