Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf