Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
