possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
