dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i've created a new STD.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
