o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
