Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize