so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
