Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Use "feeling words"
Yay
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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