There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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