I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When are your genitals available?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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