I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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