Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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