he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
