I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
