I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
