Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
