is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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