I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
