at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
