theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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