My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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