I swear she didn't look like that last week.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
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Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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