dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
