I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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