I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
