I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
