There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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