this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
