Barsexuality is the new black.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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