The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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