Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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