It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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