He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
